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What every brave woman wants – How to successfully achieve your dream lifestyle and body image?

by MamaVita June 22, 2022

We all have a health dream that we would like to come true – successfully achieve our dream lifestyle and body image.

Every woman has a health and body image role model – someone they want to be and look like.
When I ask my personal training clients what they want to achieve, they often say: I want to look like you!

“Pause right there and let’s take this right back”, I would say.
“I didn’t ask you about Your Vision OF You.
I am asking what is Your Vision FOR You”.

If you aim to get as close to looking like someone else, you are setting yourself up to fail.
If you aim to create the best version OF YOU, you are on a mission to achieve it.

Basically, many women have a clarity of an image that is totally irrelevant and unauthentic to them and very often unachievable. Having this image in your head is a great start, but it doesn’t bring you any closer to your goal – Your Vision FOR You of a dream image of you – simply because you are carrying an image of someone else in your head.

Where to from here?
I encourage my health coaching clients to focus on these things:
– creating an image of their dream themselves WITHOUT having any distracting images of others
– having conversations with themselves about themselves WITHOUT having conversations with themselves about others
AND
– learning how to FEEL health instead of seeing it as an image – especially an image of someone else.

With that said, what does health feel like to you?

xoxo Ali

June 22, 2022 0 comment
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Why can’t I find the motivation to be healthy?

by MamaVita May 31, 2022

How often do you set a goal and spend time and energy on it, but then your motivation goes, and you never actually achieve it? And then it happens again and again … Sounds familiar?
The good news is that you aren’t the only one – only up to 10% of people actually achieve their goals.
The bad news is that it reduces your future motivation further.

I will share with you three tips that I have been using with my clients for over 15 years to help them achieve their health goals. In particular, I used these tips with my lovely female clients who wanted to tone up and lose weight very often, repeatedly and unsuccessfully.

  • Spend your energy on improving your motivation, not the goal itself
    We tend to put all our physical and mental energy into achieving the goal. If you didn’t truly want to achieve your goal, you would not set it in the first place. However, we spend very little energy on boosting and maintaining our motivation.
    TIP: set your goal as you need a direction to follow but then direct your attention to finding ways to motivate yourself instead.
  • Create a supportive environment for your goals
    Okay, I know what you are saying: I always prepare my workout clothes ahead of time. I plan to go to the gym and buy fresh fruits and vegetables. BUT. I never actually do much more about achieving my health goals. What you are doing is creating a supportive PHYSICAL ENVIRONMENT. What you need to do as well is create a supportive MENTAL/SPIRITUAL ENVIRONMENT.
    TIP: Again, instead of spending energy on the goal itself, focus on finding ways to create a peaceful mind-frame that will provide you with energy and space for your health goal (check out my FREE facebook group). Regardless of how much you want to achieve your goal, if you are stressed, anxious, overwhelmed or in general in a negative mind frame, achieving your goal will be effortful, and your chances of achieving it are very slim.
  • Visualise your goal as if you have already achieved it
    Many people find this step hard to do simply because we lack trust in ourselves – possibly due to past failures. You may find it hard to see yourself at the end of this journey if you have self-doubt. However, even if you don’t believe in yourself, the truth is that while you have not (yet) achieved your goal, you have already ENGAGED in the PROCESS of achieving it, and that is 100% true – and you can genuinely believe that.
    TIP: Visualise yourself DOING, SAYING and SEEING things that will happen once you achieve your goal.

Over the past fifteen years, I have helped hundreds of women to achieve their goals. You aren’t an exemption – you can achieve your goals too.

If you have not achieved your goal yet, it doesn’t mean you won’t achieve it in the future.
If you have not achieved your goal yet, it doesn’t mean you haven’t engaged in the process of achieving it yet – you are already on your way!
If you have not achieved your goal yet, you are not a failure – you just need to change your ways.

I love hearing back from my clients, so please comment below on how this blog helped you with your health goals.

xoxo Ali

May 31, 2022 0 comment
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How to maintain a healthy lifestyle in motherhood?

by MamaVita September 14, 2021

Stop feeling like you aren’t enough and incapable of being healthy and active again.

What mum doesn’t find achieving and maintaining a healthy lifestyle in motherhood challenging.

Do you feel that:

  • Finding time to give to yourself (while giving so much to the others around you) seems almost impossible.
  • Having accountability for yourself and your needs in motherhood is exhausting (while being accountable for the well-being of the others around you)?

Use this five-step guide to create meaningful and sustainable health and well-being change in your life.

  1. Start from scratch. Your PAST POSSIBLITIES aren’t your CURRENT OPTIONS. Create new healthy routines that are ACHIEVABLE and AUTHENTIC to your current situation – MOTHERHOOD.

2. Set achievable goals that are SIMPLE, SHORT-TERM and SELF-MADE. COMPLEX and LONG-TERM goals that require HELP from OTHERS are NOT achievable in MOTHERHOOD (at least not at the start of this journey).

3. Be persistent, but stay flexible. Stick to WHAT you do (in your health ROUTINE), but change HOW you do/achieve it. Continue with your routine but change the variables as needed (when you do it? How long for? Where? Etc. 

4. Build internal support (stop relying on and evaluating your external support). If you don’t have time for health, YOU CREATE it yourself. If you don’t have support in your family, YOU SUPPORT yourself. Your SUCCESS of having a healthy lifestyle depends on the INTERNAL support that comes from WITHIN, not from others. 

5. Constantly reevaluate your new routine – identify what’s not working, what’s working well and what could work better. Evaluation helps you make your health routine SUSTAINABLE and EFFORT-LESS!

Remember, having an accountability buddy increases your chances of achieving your goals to 6 in 10 – and it goes up to 9 in 10 if you have a regular meeting with your buddy.

If you don’t know where to start, why don’t you join my FREE Facebook Group, The Healthy Mummy Accountability Support Tribe, where you learn lots of strategies and tools to increase your accountability. You will also have an opportunity to find an accountability buddy in my program.

Are you ready for some awesomeness? 

xoxo Ali

September 14, 2021 0 comment
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How to make a morning routine that you actually enjoy

by MamaVita August 16, 2021

Here’s what successful mums do.

The night is over, it is time to get up, and you are not looking forward to starting your day. Another morning filled with the hustle and bustle, another day that starts with craziness. What if there was a way of getting up excited about your morning; of having a day that starts with awesomeness? 

If you hate mornings, the idea of getting up excited about your morning is very foreign – yet not impossible. In fact, most people who do love mornings and their morning routines have not been like this their whole life. 

Do you know anyone who does NOT want to feel great in the morning! I don’t. But here is the truth: only a tiny percentage of us actually make it happen – it is even harder for mums!

How often did you attempt to change the look and feel of your mornings – to be enjoyable and peaceful, yet they turned out to be crazy and draining again? 

Or maybe you got up and started to do all the right things to make the start of your day enjoyable, and it turned out to be another mad-house morning? 

‘Story of my life’ is what I am hearing from you, is that right? Can you relate to these common scenarios (Don’t worry, I hear you)?

Now, put your other hand up if you want to make healthy changes to your morning habitsand routines that actually last and result in having an enjoyable morning that you love and miss when it is not there???

Great, just keep reading.

Here is the truth about people who love mornings and people who hate mornings:

People who love mornings consciously plan and create routines they love – the creators LOVE doing.

People who hate mornings let the world and the environment make decisions about their mornings for them – the haters just are going with the flow. 

In other words: good morning routines don’t just happen. They are created. 

Follow this guide to create an awesome morning routine that your body and mind love:

  1. Create your own

Do not follow someone else’s morning routine. Just because it works for your friend to meditate or go for a quick walk in the morning, it doesn’t mean it will work for you. What is authentic to them and their needs isn’t authentic to you and your life. 

2. Start the night before

Your morning routine starts the night before by prepping for it. It would be awesome if your preparation could mean that you give yourself a pedicure every night or do an awesome stretch routine finished by a meditation. But, let’s face it – very often, our busy lives or our toddlers have different plans for us. While you cannot control how much time before your bedtime you get each night to yourself and to prepare for the next day, you can control and plan for routines that you want to do in the morning (and you will go to bed feeling good about prepping them). What are some of the things you can do? Depending on what your actual plan for your morning routine is, it could be anything from prepping your favourite cup with a teabag on the kitchen bench through to chopping your fav fruit and having it ready in the fridge or rolling out a mat with a new fresh towel on the ground for your morning yoga and putting an eye pillow into the freezer for the meditation after. 

3. Simplify it so much that you basically cannot fail

As you get better at maintaining your routine, you might add more actions but while you are just establishing this new habit, keep it so simple that even if you are entirely energy depleted and unmotivated, you can always do these. Going back to the previous step, you can always prep your cuppa or wash some berries and chop an apple regardless of how tired you are. You can always put an ice pack in the freezer or roll out a mat.

4. Be flexible

Your mindset is everything! You have heard this before, and you are thinking: yeah, right – easier said than done. What I mean by it is that you don’t have to pretend to be strong and motivated all the time. Instead, be kind and stay flexible. 

If something doesn’t go according to your plan, keep going from where you stopped.

From time to time, if you can only do half of your routine because the kids wake up earlier, so be it. At least you have done half of it.

 If you cannot do your routine on some days at all, so be it – you do it on your other days when you can do it – life happens.

5. Change it as soon as something doesn’t feel just right

If doing your stretch routine or yoga feels too hard (when you are establishing your routine), change it to something else! 

Something enjoyable and totally doable – make yourself a bowl of porridge instead, or pop a warm heat pack on your belly/back with some of your fav essential oils. Basically, do anything that makes your routine enjoyable and therefore sustainable.

Lessons learned?

Every woman goes through a massive transformation when she becomes a mum – our whole life purpose changes. Hence, our ‘HOW TO’ (routines and habits) to our living and functioning needs to change too. 

If you want your days to be filled with meaningful and sustainable routines:

  1. Follow this process.
  2. Create what you want and dream about but remember to adjust the course as needed.
  3. Be the creator of your life – be authentic and free. 

Doesn’t this sound awesome? Create your new morning routine now and start enjoying your days by starting them doing what you love. 

Be supported on this journey by like-minded women in my FREE The Healthy Mummy Accountability Support Tribe group to help you create accountability for your health routines. 

Join us NOW!

X Ali 

August 16, 2021 0 comment
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How to become who you were meant to be.

by MamaVita April 12, 2021

 It starts with breaking free of being a victim of your past and a slave to your future.

Do you ever feel like your spark has gone?

You look back at old photos and feel jealous of your former self. You were glowing and vibrant and free of commitments and worries. And damn, how perky was your butt?

It’s okay, you tell yourself. You’ll get back there. When work settles down, when you lose your baby paunch, when your kids start school, when you have time to breathe… 

Then you’ll be yourself again.  Then you’ll be happy.

This mindset is super common for women. But there’s something wrong with this picture. By being a victim to your past image or a slave to your future self, you’re missing something pretty damn important. 

The now.

Here’s a bit of tough love for you. The past has been and gone – it’s not coming back. And as for that ideal self that lives in the future? She might never arrive, at least not in the way you think.

We’re experts at tuning out the now – whether it’s daydreaming or scrolling mindlessly on our phones. But by overcoming our discomfort with the present, we can unlock the key to creating meaningful, lasting change in our lives.

But it’s too hard to make changes, I hear you say. I’m too tired. I’m too busy. I’m too unmotivated.

And I hear you. 

But I’ve got a secret to share with you.

Waiting around for results is draining. But actively working toward your results is energising. You’ll be shocked at how effortless it can feel when you tap into your own inner resources to move yourself to action.

In my two decades helping women improve their health and mindset, the ones who had the most drastic results actively create change instead of waiting for it to happen. They’re able to turn negative thinking about their bodies and constant comparison into compassion and self-positivity. Instead of not showing up in their life and business, they become fully engaged, involved and present with their business and their families. And they get out of the trap of being stuck in the past or paralysed by the future by moving into the NOW.

They often say things like:

“Ali, you are amazing.”

“This is magic.”

“You are a wizard.”

But they also say things like:

“OMG, it was always there.”

“I had it all this time. I just wasn’t using it.”

“What was I thinking? I can do this. I am doing it.”

The bottom line is: You have got this and you can do it – you just aren’t doing it!

So here is the question that determines what happens next: are you a victim/slave or are you a creator of the YOU that you dream and deserve to be? We all can take on both roles – but it’s up to you to consciously choose which you want to be. If you’re ready to move away from being a victim/slave and start the journey of a creator, here’s how to start.

  1. Create a solid plan for how you want to FEEL. 

Your subconscious mind isn’t much for logic. But it’s fluent in understanding feelings. When you’re clear about how you want to feel, your mind will naturally gravitate toward actions that help you arrive at this state. For example, if you strive to feel at peace within yourself and consciously choose this as a goal, you will naturally read books that make you feel calm, choose meditation instead of a gym workout, or wear a dress that makes you feel relaxed (instead of what you think you look sexiest in).

  1. Figure out the logistics of this plan. 

Are you hoping to create a more loving and energized you? Okay, in what context? With who? Where? How? Ask yourself questions like, ‘Where specifically in my life do I feel unloved and flat – work, home, in my whole life or is it coming from within? Am I feeling this lack of love and energy with a particular person, with everyone, or just myself? How much space have I got to create this energy and love? Does something else in my life need to go?’ The more detail you go into, the better. This means it becomes less a question of whether you can achieve it, but when you will.

  1. Understand that sustainable body image and positive self-perception is NOT achieved by reaching goals – it is a way of life.

Have you ever had a big goal but when you achieved it, you didn’t feel the sense of elation/pride/calm you hoped? That’s because being hyper-focused on the end goal deprives you of the feeling you actually desire by achieving that goal. Obsessively planning your life is micromanaging and it’s draining and ineffective. Instead, focus on the vision of yourself and the feeling you want to embody. Without spending any excess energy, your subconscious mind – the home for your feelings and emotions – will naturally take you there.

Do you want to do something that is a win-win for you as well as your family/business? Spend some time with yourself so you can create the YOU you are dreaming about but have not had time or motivation to spend time with. By creating this content and happy YOU, the good vibes will naturally flow onto everyone around you. 

Are you looking to fast-track going deep to discover and embody your most content, vibrant self? Send me an email on hello@mamavitamission.com to set up a call, and we can discuss a coaching option that’s best for you.

X Ali 

PS. I get an awesome kick from hearing your stories so don’t be shy to share yours with me!

April 12, 2021 0 comment
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What kind of mindset do you have when it comes to achieving your goals?

by MamaVita January 18, 2021

We’re a few weeks into January and you may already feel like you’re falling off the wagon for your New Year’s resolutions. You know, all those high-minded health goals that you know you need or should do. It’s just that life keeps getting in the way…

And I get it – we’re mums, smashing goals in between parenting, running a household, working, and trying to squeeze in a semblance of a social life can be tricky.

But I also believe that it can be easier than you think to achieve your goals. You just need to understand your mindset and work with it.

Think about it.

Making yourself a coffee in the morning is a no-brainer. Why does glugging a green smoothie feel like an effort?


You always have energy to catch up with your friend. But where does it mysteriously vanish to when it’s time for your afternoon jog?

We all experience variations of the above scenarios when it comes to the question of how to achieve your goals. Some actions are so easy to implement into our routine, they feel effortless. Others? Eh. Not so much.

So what gives? Why can it be so tough to achieve your health goals – the very things we know will make us feel better?

So much advice around how to achieve our goals is one-size-fits all and formulaic.  But just like we subconsciously alter our style when dealing with different people, we also adopt different styles for the various goals in our lives. Your personality, your learning tendencies, and the motivation you have for a particular goal can all give clues on how to achieve your goals in a way that works for you. Here’s how.

1. What kind of mindset do you have when it comes to the different areas of your life? Are you action-oriented, stagnant or self-sabotaging? Get curious – and non-judgemental –about when you’re action-oriented (you ALWAYS make it happen), stagnant (you might start or inch closer to your goal but fall short), or self-sabotaging (stop yourself from even starting, before inevitably ending up in that dark cave of negative thinking, ruminating and excuses). You might, for example, always do your morning meditation but keep making excuses for going to the gym.

If you feel like you can never achieve action and are just too tired, weak and unmotivated – you’re wrong. You can, and you already are in other areas of your life – even if it’s pleasing others or treating yourself with wine or chocolate!   

2. Then ask yourself: what category does your current goal/New Year’s resolution fall under? Be honest. You need clarity to move forward. If you’re already taking – and sustaining – action, you’re on the right track. But if you’re stagnant (‘I want to be healthier but it seems so hard to keep going’), or worse, self-sabotaging (‘There’s no time and others can’t do it, so I can’t either), you need to prepare and plan.

3. If you know you tend to self-sabotage with a particular goal, instead of focusing rigidly on that goal and (unconsciously) expending all your energy fighting the self-sabotage, use this energy to create a contingency plan for dealing with your self-sabotaging strategies. Be as specific as possible, so you know exactly how to put it into action when you need it. Here are some of the ways I approach it with the example of a goal (15-minute training) and a self-sabotaging thought (‘I’m tired and don’t want to leave the house’):

a. Instead of leaving the house, I’ll do my training while prepping dinner.

b. I tell myself I can stop after five minutes – usually I feel so much better after a few minutes, I keep going.

c. I put $10 into my money jar for new clothes shopping if I commit to doing the workout.

Remember, there are no right answers – only you can come up with the solution that works for you.

4. Regularly review and remind yourself of your goal, what you can expect from your attitude, and your contingency plan to keep you on track.

You’ve got this mama. So go and get it!

I can’t wait to hear about your strategies in your contingency plans – so share the love and motivation with me in comments. Let’s learn from each other!

X Ali

January 18, 2021 0 comment
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How to make New Year’s resolutions you can actually keep

by MamaVita December 22, 2020

Here’s the step you’re probably missing.

It’s nearly the end of the shitshow that was 2020 (Hallelujah!) and chances are, you’re probably thinking ahead to your New Year’s resolutions already. 2021 is going to be your year, right? The one where you smash your fitness goals, eat healthier, and maybe even launch that business you keep dreaming up.

If so, you’re in good company. Studies show that 60% of us make New Year’s resolutions each year.

But here’s the kicker: only about 8%of us actually achieve them.

How many times have you decided to start the year with a fresh slate… and then ended up procrastinating (hello, Facebook or Netflix) before they even got off the ground? 

Or maybe you did get started, going guns blazing with a new exercise regime or commitment to daily meditation… until a few days later, when your burning drive somehow got totally extinguished?

Shit – sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Hands up if you can relate to this common scenario. (Don’t worry, mine’s up with you). 

Now, put your other hand up if you want to make healthy changes to your habits and routines that actually last.

Awesome – keep reading.

In the past two decades, I’ve observed the recurring phenomenon closely in my clients. While most of us know what kind of habits will make us healthier and happier, we struggle to implement or maintain them. Something’s missing – that spark to give us the extra drive and motivation we need to follow through.

Since being a mum to my little Xander, I’ve noticed something else – committing to healthy routines is even harder for mums.

So what gives?

Why is so hard for mums? What are we doing wrong? As I battled through my motherhood journey, I started to observe my own patterns as well as the patterns of my mum friends around me.

Then it hit me! 

We are missing one key element in this process that provides us with the meaning and drive behind what we do. Basically, instead of approaching our process from the start, we’re kind of starting from the middle. This is where the Mamavita Mission (MM) was born: rewire your mind, reset your habits, rebuild your life and repeat the process.

So what aren’t we doing?

It doesn’t matter how many resources you have or how much you think you want something. If your mindset is not where it should be, you simply can’t muster up the drive to introduce or maintain healthy routines. That’s why rewiring your mind – the step most of us skip – is the crucial step to making healthy changes that stick.

Basically, rewiring your brain means creating a bond between your conscious mind – the one that knows the healthy habit is good for you – and your subconscious – which needs to connect with the purpose of this habit on a deeper level. The new behaviour you want to establish shouldn’t just sound like a nice idea; it has to be meaningful to you. This is the only way to make sustainable changes.

Have you ever started something because you read about its benefits or your friends were raving about it – think a raw food diet or CrossFit – but it just didn’t feel right for you? Then you know what I’m talking about.

As mothers, we are so busy and spend so little time in self-reflection, it’s even more difficult for us to make this connection.

So what do we need to do?

Reading and researching is a great start. But it simply won’t give you the drive to act.

So the next step is to actively connect with your subconscious mind through some deep thinking – either with the help of coaching resources and toolboxes or by doing some one-on-one coaching. This crucial step will help you to link your intentions with a readiness mindset that will help you make a plan and to execute it. Without this step there is no plan to work towards. 

Okay, what next?

Once we’ve rewired our minds by connecting the conscious to the subconscious, we’ve downloaded the software that will help us make sustainable changes to our lives and we can reset our habits.

Think of it like this: your conscious mind is the boat and your subconscious is the captain. You might consciously think about drinking some extra water or doing a ten-minute meditation (because we all know it’s good for us), but when you actually do it, that’s your subconscious steering the ship.

Now we can really make some magic happen…

Rebuilding your life represents putting the first and second step together. Change your mindset, choose new behaviours, and create a mission for your life. What is the bigger picture that you are trying to achieve? Where do you want your mindset and your new rituals to take you? What impact will it have on your physical health, mental health and life?

Here, you are creating a vision and turning it into a mission.

And there’s one more step…

We tend to forget about the last step – monitoring and evaluating your new life. Like any project, we need to modify and adjust as we go. To do this you need to get in tune with yourself, reading the signs of your body and mind. As soon as you notice something out of alignment, take your time to think about what is happening and what you want instead. Then start the process over. 

Think about the massive transformation that happens when we become mums. Our lives change – and our vision needs to too.

Follow this process and you’ll make sustainable and meaningful changes in your life, adjusting the course as needed. You’ll gain empowerment over your life, reduce your reliance on external resources, and tune in with your higher self which will help you to make authentic decisions and overcome overwhelm and mummy guilt. 

Sounds pretty good, huh? If you’re ready to overhaul your mummy mindset and actually make good on your New Year’s Resolutions, book your one-on-one coaching spot now. There’s limited spots left for the year!

X Ali

December 22, 2020 0 comment
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Do you ever feel like a terrible mother? You’re not alone.

by MamaVita November 18, 2020

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Overhaul your thinking and banish the guilt with these three steps.

As I tuck my child into bed, another day in my mummy life is over – and that familiar feeling of failure sinks in. I feel like a terrible mother – I can’t seem to keep up with the kids, the household is a mess, everything just feels so overwhelming and exhausting. It feels like everyone else has their shit together but ME. I feel ashamed and frustrated – why can’t I keep up? The other mums seem to have it sorted. Everyone says I should have a minute to myself to get some energy back – but even that that thought makes me feel sick with guilt.

Sounds familiar?

Unfortunately, this inner dialogue is way too common for mums.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

By changing our mindset we can drastically change the way we function as mums, banishing the feelings of guilt or overwhelm.

Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean putting your goals to the wayside. What it does mean is you’ll be able to celebrate your achievements and progress as you actively take steps forward in your life. Win, win.

This is the proven three-step process I use to change my mindset toward conscious action – and away from the black hole of guilt and overwhelm. Now, you can too.

Continue Reading
November 18, 2020 0 comment
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How to find emotional peace

by MamaVita November 18, 2020

How to find emotional peace

Stop feeling like you’re not enough with this 3-step guide.

As humans, dealing with challenging emotions is our birthright.  But as mums we have it tougher than most. After all we’re not only on our own emotional rollercoasters (often fuelled by hormonal changes and identity shifts) – we’re the emotional barometers for our children and families, too. So often, it feels like being at peace emotionally is just a distant dream. 

Do you find yourself thinking, ‘When XX happens (the baby sleeps through the night, my toddler starts daycare, I lose the baby weight weight) then I’ll be happy/at peace’?  But then that moment never comes, because another roadblock inevitably falls in your path?

I know that when I encounter a challenging situation, my first response is to be reactive and feel disheartened: ‘Why me again!?’ Or: ‘What else now?!’ Of course, this just sets off a chain reaction of negative emotions, including feeling weak, overwhelmed, ashamed, and guilty about how I’m showing up as a mum. All that fun stuff!

But with training and practice, I’ve learned to direct my focus to abundance and feeling like I’m enough. Follow these three steps to step into emotional peace and the sense of ‘enoughness’ right now – even when the going gets tough.

 

1. Expect dynamic process and embrace it

 

Here’s the thing: life can be peachy and beautiful.  But just like the weather, it changes. We are alive beings and we change in a dynamic process that goes from good to bad, better to worse, and then back again.

It may sound counter-intuitive, but when you embrace the fact life isn’t always peachy – and you don’t always feel good – the sooner you open yourself up to living an abundant, empowered life. As your emotional state goes down, it’s worth remembering that it will always come back up again.

In my last blog, I talked about some of the negative feelings (like: ‘I feel like a terrible mother!’) that can swamp us and our families, and how we should approach these feelings from a state of knowing instead of feeling. Do you feel that things won’t get better? Okay, but what do you actually KNOW? That life doesn’t stay peachy forever, and neither do negative emotions and challenges. Look around you – maybe they’re already gone!

 

2. Turn your focus on what you want rather than on what you don’t want

 

Before we start this next point, I want to make sure of one thing. Whatever you do, don’t think of a blue elephant.

Sounds easy enough, right?

But hang on:  I bet now you can’t get that damn blue elephant out of your mind.

You’ve probably heard this one before. It’s such a simple example that beautifully illustrates how focusing on what we don’t want can actually lead to these exact things showing up in our lives.

So if you’re feeling negative emotions such as guilt, shame, blame and weakness – and then obsessively analysing these emotions and how to stop them – guess what’s going to keep showing up for you?

What works for me is to focus on what I do want. Consciously think about and name those positive emotions you want to feel. When those negative emotions threaten to swallow me, I start to think about feeling peaceful, satisfied and like I am enough. Because when I feel those feelings, the negative emotions disappear. Where to? Who knows – and honestly, they’ll probably come back some other day. But until then, I’m free of them.

 

3. Find your peace, satisfaction and sense of being enough

 

Easier said than done, right? After all, we’d all be gliding through life like Buddhist monks if it was that simple!

Well, here’s what works for me. 

I’ve been exploring memories of times in my life where I felt really at peace. And I always seem to go back to my childhood, especially holidays spent at my nana’s.

At first, I thought it was because there wasn’t much to do (unlike now with that never-ending list of to-dos and laundry piles..) But then I realised my days weren’t quiet. In fact, they hummed with activity – building shelters, picking fruit, making homemade berry desserts. And yet, despite the busyness, I felt at peace.

Why? This is so personal, but for me it comes down to values like safety and identity, which contribute to me feeling like I’m enough.

With this ‘knowing’, while still feeling the peace and abundance inside me, I reflect on which of these values are being met in my life now. This simple exercise brings my attention to what I need and want and have, and completely redirects my mind away from negative feelings to feeling enough.

If you’re ready to take action, choose a quiet time and location to connect with your childhood memories where you truly satisfied. It’s not important what actions created those feelings, focus on the feelings themselves. Reflect on which of your main values were being met that helped you feel this sense of ‘enoughness’. Take that feeling with you and search for those values in your current life. Are they being met now? If not, how can you get in touch with them?

Have you tried this process? I’d love to hear whether this worked for you. What are the times in your childhood you felt most connected and at peace? Please leave your thoughts in the comments below!

Xx Ali

November 18, 2020 0 comment
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